


Cracky One Shots

by handsinmittens



Series: Cracky One Shots [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: But Hey Whatever, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Mostly Platonic, ranges from platonic to romance, this is just insane and nonsense
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2018-11-04 09:33:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10988190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/handsinmittens/pseuds/handsinmittens
Summary: Kylo has returned to the light side and Leia has tasked you with teaching Kylo how to be good again.





	1. The Knights New Groove

You had to give it to the scavenger, she fought very well. She had a natural talent. She may of beaten Kylo but she had not beaten you.

Rey was lying on the ground and you standing to the side of her. You were holding both your lightsaber and hers in your hands, poised ready to deal the final strike.

Except something was stopping you from doing it.

“You’re just not going to kill her like that are you?” A voice said

You looked around and couldn’t see anyone. There was a puff of smoke and there stood on your left shoulder was a small angel Kylo.

“My shoulder angel?” You said. Your angel was Kylo? That was disturbing. You barely had any contact with him outside of training.

“Don’t listen to that guy.” Another voice said.

Another puff of smoke and there stood on your right shoulder was a small devil Kylo.

“He’s trying to lead you down the path of righteousness. I’m gonna lead you down the path that rocks!”

“Oh come off it!”. Angel Kylo said.

“You come off it!” Devil Kylo retorted.

“You!”

“You!”

“You!”

“You infinity.”

The angel growled at the devil

“Why are you both Kylo?” You asked.

“I’m Kylo, he’s Ben.” Devil Kylo said, pointing at the angel who was now sulking.

Kylo summoned a small piece of parchment and glasses. He put the glasses on and read from the list.

“Listen up big guy, I got three good reasons why you should kill her.” Kylo said.

“Number one….. look at that guy.” He pointed at Ben. “He’s got that sissy stringy music thing.”

“We’ve been through this. It’s a harp and you know it.” Ben replied through gritted teeth.

“Oh right. That’s a harp…….. and that’s a dress.” Kylo smirked at Ben.

“Robe!”

Kylo hopped off your shoulder and onto your arm which was stretched out, holding a lightsaber to Rey’s face.

“Reason number two. Look what I can do.”

Kylo did a handstand.

“What does that have to do with anything?” You asked.

“No, no. He’s got a point.” Ben said, scratching his chin.

“Listen guys. You sort of confusing me. So begone or you know however I get rid of you.”

“That’ll do it.” Kylo said and both the devil and the angel disappeared.

While you were arguing with your shoulder angel and shoulder devil, Luke had found you both.

The last thing you remembered before blacking out was Luke Skywalker’s outstretched hand and the feeling of hitting your head on the hard ground.

* * *

You woke up in the med bay and saw Kylo Ren sat next to you.

“You’re awake.” Kylo’s voice was sharp.

“What happened?” You said, your voice still heavy with sleep.

“You had the scavenger at your mercy and you still let her get away.”

“There was something stopping me.”

“If you are feeling the pull to the light side then you will need to see the Supreme Leader immediately.”

“No it wasn’t that it was just….. nothing it doesn’t matter.” You could feel yourself falling asleep again.

“Hey Kylo?”

“Yes?”

“Nice dress.”

You fell asleep and Kylo left the med bay feeling confused. It was a robe not a dress.


	2. The Resistance And The Knight III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo has returned to the light side and Leia has tasked you with teaching Kylo how to be good again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will I ever take fics seriously? No. Will I ever stop stealing dialogue? Also no. Anyway this will never be canon and I am upset.

“My son has returned to me and I want to do all that is possible to keep him from returning to the dark side.” Leia said.

“.....and we come into this how?”

Moments before Kylo Ren was going to kill Han Solo he couldn’t go through with it and surrendered himself to the Resistance. Kylo had sulked the whole trip back on the Falcon.

“You, Rey, Finn and Poe will help Kylo to fit in with the Resistance and keep him away from the dark side.”

Kylo looked up from where he was sat and watched the faces of the people he had tortured and injured. Their expressions were neutral but he could almost see them planning their revenge.

* * *

 

“Since today is the first day we are going to start with the basics.” Poe said.

“I’d rather not.” Kylo replied.

“If you don’t do this then you’ll be locked up for the rest of your life.” You told him and Kylo visibly flinched. Prison was the last thing he wanted. 

Just as you were walking away he spoke again.

“Oh, sob! Oh, cry. Oh, woe is me. You don't know what it's like being evil for so long. Oh, how I wish to be... good. If only some kind heroes would show me the path to decency.” Kylo dramatically fell to the floor.

“It’s good enough for me.” Finn said.

“I’ll just have to fake my way through this. Just like at jedi school.” Kylo muttered to himself.

“What was that?” You asked.

“Nothing.”

* * *

 

“Alright first lesson. Y/N get your wallet out.” Poe said.

You pulled your wallet out of your pocket.

“So you see someone drop your wallet. Y/N drop your wallet.”

You dropped your wallet on the floor.

“Now what would you do?”

“Excuse me, but I do believe you've dropped your wallet.” Kylo said, picking up your wallet and holding it out to you.

“Doesn’t look familiar to me.” You told him.

“What? I just saw you drop it.” Kylo held the wallet closer to you. “Here.”

“Nope it’s not mine.”

“It is yours. I am trying to be a good person and return it to you.”

“Return what to who?” You asked.

Kylo slapped a hand on his face and then pulled your ID out of the wallet.

“Aren’t you Y/N L/N?”

“Yup.”

“This is your ID?”

“Yup.”

“I found this ID in this wallet. If that's the case, this must be your wallet.”

“That makes sense to me.”

“Then take it.”

“It's not my wallet.”

“You bantha-fodder! Take back your wallet or I’ll use the force to-” Kylo started to yell.

“Use the force to do what?” Rey asked, anger in her voice. She and Finn had been watching from the sides ready to interfere if Kylo got violent.

“Use the force to gently place this wallet in your hand.” He said and sat back on his chair.

* * *

 

“Ok it’s our turn now. Lesson number two.” Rey said.

Finn started walking past with a big cardboard box and he looked like it was taking some effort to carry it. You and Poe were sat lying back on deckchairs with drinks in your hands.

“You see someone struggle with a heavy package. What do you do?”

Finn was straining to hold the box and it was slowly slipping out of his grasp.

“Hello, friend. I noticed you were struggling with that package. Would you like some help?”

Finn accidentally dropped the box on Kylo’s foot.

“Ow!”

“I’m sorry it slipped. Can I start over?” Finn picked up the box again.

“I noticed that...”

The box slipped out of Finn’s hands again. 

“Oops. Gotta start again.” Finn said.

“Could, Ow!”

“Oops.”

“You butter-fingered stormtrooper!” Kylo started rubbing his foot. “What's in that box anyhow?”

“Y/N’s wallets.”

“Arghh!” Kylo started to choke Finn with the force.

You and Poe jumped out of your chairs and rushed to knock Kylo to the floor.

“Worth it.” He breathed out from under you and Poe.

* * *

 

Poe had taken Finn to the medbay while you and Rey stayed with Kylo.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I need to learn to control my temper better. Please don’t kick me out.”

“You hear that Rey? He said the P word.”

“I wish I could record this moment.”

“Well it’s good enough for me. I guess he's reconstituted.” You said.

"Rehabilitated.”

“Gesundheit.”

* * *

 

“Congratulations Kylo you’ve passed. Today is your graduation day! Just look at him, Rey. The picture of goodness.”

Kylo pulls his lightsaber out.

“I don’t remember you being allowed to keep that Kylo.”

Kylo swung his lightsaber at you.

“The only thing I'm good at is being evil.” Kylo force threw you and Rey across the floor and headed out the door towards the hangars. “So long, suckers.”

“What’s that smell?” You asked Rey.

“That, Y/N, is the smell of defeat.”

“Oh good I thought it was my skin.”

“Forget about your skin, we have to stop Kylo Ren.”

Rey got up and helped you up off of the floor. You checked your arm and checked from any damage. Luckily there was no major damage only a minor burn.

* * *

 

You and Rey found Kylo sobbing on the floor next to Poe’s x-wing.

“What is going on?” Poe said. He had returned with Finn from the med-bay.

“I can’t do it. I can’t be evil anymore. Your lessons have changed me.”

You crouched down on the floor next to Kylo and rubbed his back.

“I know, I know. We are amazing. Just let those tears out Kylo it’ll be fine.”


	3. X-Wing Tour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren defected from the First Order and now begrudgingly helps his mother with the Resistance. You are to brief your team on a mission and Kylo Ren joins your squad for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been done on gifsets, screencaps now it’s time to be done in a fic.

“Alright squad this mission is highly classified and contents of this meeting should never leave this room.” You said.

* * *

You never had a squad that was always the same people. Everyone on the resistance base had a different skill set and different missions required a variety of skills. This time your team was Poe, Finn, Rey, BB-8, Chewbacca and Kylo Ren. Chewie wasn’t happy being on a team with the person who killed his best friend and they were currently staring at each other with daggers in their eyes.

You hoped you could get through this briefing without them killing each other.

* * *

“Now before we leave I’m thinking for this mission we should go with code names. You will address me as Eagle One.”

You started pacing around the room and then looked at Finn.

“Finn your codename is been there done that.”

He rolled his eyes at you.

“Rey, your codename is currently doing that.”

She high-fived you as you walked past her.

“Poe is; it happened once in a dream.”

He winked at you.

“BB-8; if I had to pick a droid.”

The droid gave you a thumbs up with it’s lighter.

“Chewbacca is...... Eagle Two.”

Chewie growled and it translated to oh thank the maker.

“Now we have ten minutes before we have to leave so be quick.” You said dismissing the team.

* * *

“Hey Y/N does Kylo not get a codename?” Poe asked.

“His codename is; I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it.” You told him and Poe looked at you with one eyebrow raised.

“You have no right to judge Dameron or do you want me to tell Finn about that dream you had about Captain Phasma?”

“Alright alright I get it.” Poe winked at you again and went to put the rest of the equipment on the ship. This was going to be a very stressful mission.


	4. Angry First Order

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a new reality tv show hoping to shoot some footage for their new show about working in the First Order. Everyone is a fucking idiot because the crew is the Resistance in disguise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was going to be some serious hard-hitting fic. It’s basically it’s the ‘move I’m gay’ vine. It’s from the Angry Office video. The breaks mean a switch between a scene so expect a lot. I used regular swear words instead of Star Wars ones.

“So we want you to just tell us a bit about yourself and what’s it like working here.” The interviewer said. It was Rey in disguise. She’d only stuck a fake mustache on her face and this somehow convinced the mighty first order she wasn’t with the resistance.

“I’m General Hux, I’ve worked for the first order ever since it was formed and really it’s good fun working here. I want to smash the idea that everyone at the first order is here against their will. We all get along great.”

* * *

 

“Fuck off Phasma I’m not going to your fucking baby shower.” Hux yelled across the control room.

An officer near to Phasma snickered. She heard him and turned around to punch him. The officer fell unconscious on his desk and Phasma walked away.

* * *

 

Kylo Ren had just left a meeting with Supreme Leader Snoke and he was furious. Hux had gone to tattle on him again. All because Kylo called him a slimy ginger rat faced bastard.

As Kylo was stomping his way towards the control room he was stopped by Jess. The only difference about her was she had taken her resistance patch off her jacket.

“Commander Ren, tell us your thoughts about working with the First Order?”

Kylo was about to throw her away from him using the force but then remembered that this would be going on tv. It would be broadcast over all the galaxy.

So he threw her down the corridor with the force and he continued stomping towards the control room.

You rushed out of your hiding spot to help Jess up.

“Are you ok?”

“I’m fine. What’s got his space panties in a twist?” She asked.

“You mean more than usual?”

You both started to laugh but then had to hide as troopers were coming the opposite way.

* * *

 

“This is my assistant Mitaka. He does everything I tell him to do and everything I don’t want to do.” Hux said to Rey and the cameraman, who was Finn. Finn was enjoying this way too much. Nobody had even recognised him and he’d only put a hat on.

Hux stopped behind Mitaka and slammed a large pile of paperwork on his desk.

“Do it hetero.” He ordered Mitaka.

Hux then turned around to Rey and Finn who were watching in disbelief.

“He loves it.”

The General then continued marching across the control room barking orders at everyone else.

* * *

 

Hux stormed into the copy room where you were ‘interviewing’ a couple of stormtroopers. You were trying to recruit them to the resistance and it seemed like they were for it when Hux had interrupted.

“Making copies? Move I’m gay.”

Hux shoved you and the troopers over and you fell on the floor, the paperwork you had with you falling all over the place.

“Are you one of the interviewers?” He asked.

“Yes.”

“Well write down that being gay just has it’s perks in the workplace. You’re just a better person.”

He then walked out of the copy room, not collecting his paperwork.

* * *

 

You and the rest of the resistance crew were standing by waiting for Poe to arrive with the ship. You could of spray painted along the wall that you were from the Resistance and they wouldn’t of noticed. Rey had really become attached to her fake mustache and refused to take it off.

Some of the stormtroopers you had all managed to persuade had already left, the rest had changed their minds or more likely had been found out.

Rey felt through the force that Kylo, Hux, Phasma and a lot of stormtroopers were heading towards the hangar. Poe had finally arrived and now it was a race between who would get there first.

Fortunately it was Poe and you had all managed to get onto the ship as they just arrived. This was definitely the craziest thing you’d done for the Resistance. The only problem now is telling General Organa what you’ve just done, since technically it was never an official sanctioned mission.


	5. The Mechanical Pants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Finn are struggling students and have posted an ad looking for a roommate to help pay the rent. Only one person has answered and on the outside he seems normal but there is something off about him. Finn thinks you’re being paranoid but why does Kylo have a suitcase full of red rubber gloves? Why does he Finn????????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hands down my favourite fic I've written so far. I didn't know whether or not to post it here and do it separate. Also £100,000 really doesn't mean much in this day and age but damn it used to be £10,000. That used to mean millions.

“Finn come on we need this we are running out of options.”

“Alright I guess there is no other way.”

You and Finn were students at the nearby university and even with you both having part time jobs you still couldn’t make your rent. The easiest option for you both was to advertise for a roommate and hope someone would respond.

Only one person did and his name was Kylo Ren. You met him before he moved in and he seemed nice. A little quiet but he was able to help out with the rent and he was only older than you both by a few years. Kylo said he had graduated college recently and was pursing a career in history and loved to collect antiquities.

Finn started to laugh about that when Kylo left the house but he shut up when you reminded him about his model train collection he left all around the house. You told Kylo that it would be cleaned up and out of the way when he moved in but he said it was no problem. His old roommate loved model trains too and was used to it. So Finn decided to keep it out.

* * *

 

Kylo moved in the next day bringing only a rucksack and a suitcase that if you looked closely enough you could see a red rubber glove sticking out. Finn thought you were being ridiculous and he put it down to your active imagination. You rolled your eyes at him and then headed to your room to study. You had a big exam ahead of you tomorrow and you wanted to get a head start.

* * *

 

It was 2 am when you woke up at the sound of extremely loud organ music. It wasn’t you and it definitely wasn’t Finn who listened to nothing but the _Grease_ soundtrack. You stormed out of your room and banged on Kylo’s door demanding he answered.

“Y/N? Why are you making so much noise? It’s 2 am.”

“Me? What about the music?” You said to Finn. You couldn’t hear a jackhammer over the music how were you being the louder one?

“It’s just music, if it annoys you so much talk to him later but you have to get some sleep. You have an exam later.” Finn turned around and went back into his room.

You sighed and trudged back to your room. It was too early to do this and if you arrived late to your exam your professor would hand your ass to you. You hated getting on Cassian Andor’s bad side.

* * *

 

You were exhausted when you got back to your house. You had barely managed to stay awake during the exam but you think you passed and that’s all that matters right now.

“....yeah so my friend has always had a thing for engineering and mechanics. She’s always making things from almost nothing.” You heard Finn’s voice drift from upstairs.

“She’s very talented.” That was Kylo’s voice.

You silently creeped upstairs to listen in what they were saying.

“How exactly do you come to own a pair of these?” Kylo asked.

“My friend, her name is Rey, she made them and showed them to the scientists at this space programme she is in. They rejected it and told her to destroy them but she never had it in her so I told her I’d keep them here in case she ever wants them back.”

“Did Rey design them on purpose like this?”

“Nah it was an accident. Although I don’t know how you accidentally build a pair of mechanical pants but Y/N told me to not question Rey’s genius.” Finn said.

You silently made your way downstairs to grab some food. Not even 48 hours and Finn was already showing them off. Rey never said they had to keep the mechanical pants quiet and Finn was so proud of his best friend and always bragged about how amazing she was.

“The weirdest thing about them is that they have these suction cups on their feet that will stick to any surface and they won’t slip at all. Useful if you wanted to hang out on your ceiling for a bit right Kylo?” Finn laughed and Kylo barely managed a chuckle.

* * *

 

It had been a week since Kylo had moved in and other than ask about what you both did with the mechanical pants, you just kept it stored away, he was acting normal. No organ music at 2 am anymore, no weird banging and scraping noises and no nervously dodging questions about what exactly his current job was.

You were walking home from work when you stumbled upon a picture on a wall. It was a picture of someone who looked similar to Kylo but he was wearing headgear that looked like something a chicken has on their head.

Wanted: Ben Solo, for the crimes of theft, breaking and entering

Reward: £100,000

That is a lot of money you thought. It would definitely go a long way to paying off the rent and keeping you and Finn financially secure. At least for a few years.

* * *

 

When you got back home you noticed the whole house was empty, you didn’t think anything of it and you went upstairs to your room. However you noticed that the door to the other spare room was open. You went to investigate, thinking maybe Finn left it open by accident but when you went inside you noticed the pants were missing too. You grabbed your coat and ran back outside again, hoping to find Finn and Kylo.

Eventually you found Finn in an abandoned alley. You could see the panic on his face and you ran over to him as fast as you could.

“Finn, I’ve been looking everywhere how has this happened?”

“I don’t know I really don’t. Rey text me asking me if I could grab a part out of the insides of the pants and when I climbed on top of them I accidentally fell into them.” Finn stopped talking as his breath grew shallow and fast.

“Hey Finn it’s ok, look at me. I got you now.” You said.

Finn’s breathing slowed down and he managed to start talking again.

“When I tried to get out of them they just started moving on their own. I ended up outside of the museum and before I could get out of them they started moving again and now i’m here.” Finn finished saying.

“Do you think anyone saw you?”

“No it has been pretty quiet around here.”

“Let’s get you out of those pants and back home.”

* * *

 

You made Finn a hot drink and called Rey. She sweared that they could never have a mind of it’s own and could only be controlled by the remote. That was still in the room and hadn’t been moved at all.

Kylo was still missing and had called to say he would be late home. He had met an old friend and got caught up talking to them all day. You didn’t mention the incident of the mechanical pants but only just hung up.

“Finn I’m just going upstairs are you going to be ok?”

“Yes Y/N I’m fine now don’t worry about me.”

You gave him a hug and went up to Kylo’s room. He was up to something and you were going to find out what.

* * *

 

After ten minutes of snooping around and careful not to disturb anything in his room, you pulled the suitcase out from under his bed. It was way too easy to open it and what you found inside was that it was just filled with red rubber gloves. You shut the suitcase as fast and quietly as you could and shoved it back under the bed. You didn’t want to know what kind of weird fetishes Kylo was into.

You found the local newspaper under his pillow, the date on it from last week. It had a special article on the Skywalker diamond being shown at the museum. It was on loan from Luke Skywalker and the jewel had always been subject to discussion about it’s origins and whether or not it was cursed.

Normally you would of found this to be ordinary, the diamond was an interesting subject and it would be especially to someone like Kylo who was pursuing a career in history. What caught your eye was the fact it was covered in pen and highlighter marks. Especially on the parts about the security. You placed the newspaper back under the pillow and as you turned to leave his room you noticed a bag of tools on his desk. Tools that looked like they were used for repairing things or even for breaking into places.

You heard the front door open and you left and fled into your room. Kylo was definitely up to something.

* * *

 

You were lying on your bed when you heard the first drops of rain on your window. Eventually you nodded off to the sounds of the model train around the house and the gentle sounds of the rain.

You woke up to the sound of your stomach demanding food and when you were in the kitchen there was nothing there except a cold cup of coffee and a small bottle of pills.

This was odd. You and Finn weren’t on any kind of medication and the only pills in the house were painkillers and they came in a box. You looked at the bottle and then sniffed the coffee. It had been drugged and only Finn drank coffee. You started to panic and ran upstairs. Nobody was in the house, the tools were missing and so were the mechanical trousers.

You dialed the number for the police and told them you had information on the thief. You felt like an idiot for not figuring it out sooner but who the hell wears rubber gloves on their head for a disguise?

“This is Detective Poe Dameron speaking.”

“My name is Y/N L/N and I have information on Ben Solo. I believe he is going to break into the museum to steal the Skywalker diamond.”

“Thank you for this information Y/N L/N.”

You hung up, put on your coat and ran out of the house for the second time looking for Finn.

* * *

 

You hadn’t made it far from the house when you heard the tell tale sound of the mechanical pants so you ran back home, hoping you could manage to get there before them.

You weren’t fast enough, judging by the fact the front door was broken and barely hanging off it’s hinges. Finn was missing but Kylo was waiting for you.

Wearing a red rubber glove on his head.

If you weren’t scared you’d be laughing right now. You slowly started to step back but Kylo pulled a gun on you.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

“Where did you get a gun and where is Finn?”

“Doesn’t matter and I will show you.” He said.

You went up the stairs, Kylo following behind you with the gun still pointed at your back.

Finn was still asleep in the closet where the mechanical pants where kept and Kylo shoved you inside then locked you both inside.

“Finn wake up. Finn.” You started to gently shake him and he woke up with a start.

“Y/N it’s Kylo he-”

“I know Finn. We’re locked in here do you think you know how to get out of them?”

“No but i’ve been studying the plans Rey sent with them and if I fiddle with the wires in the panel at the front I can reset them.”

You got out your phone, that had no signal at all, and used the torch light so Finn could see. He managed to reset it and one of the legs kicked open the closet. You ran downstairs and Finn tried to keep up but he’d never operated a pair of mechanical pants before so he was slower.

You narrowly dodged one of the model trains heading your way but you heard a loud crash and a thud. Kylo had tripped over one. He had dropped a small bag, most likely carrying the diamond, on the floor and when he saw you, he snatched it up and ran out of the room. You followed him but he was quicker than you.

Before he could get away Finn came into the room blocking one way out of the living room. Kylo stumbled slightly dropping the bag and it landed on one of the trains. The three of you froze for a second before you and Kylo dived for the train, narrowly missing it. He pushed you away but you grabbed hold of one of legs, making him fall back to the floor while you ran after the train.

Meanwhile Finn had found his phone and called the police. He also found the gun Kylo had dropped and picked it up. At least Kylo wouldn’t have this.

* * *

 

Neither you or Kylo had noticed that you were both about to hit a wall, too focused on the train. Finn appeared at the doorway, he had managed to free himself from the pants, and called out your name. You looked up just in time to stop yourself but Kylo hadn’t heard and ran headfirst into the cabinets and knocked himself out, the milk bottle falling off the side and onto Kylo.

Finn grabbed the small bag and opened it up.

“This is one big diamond.” He said.

Before you could reply a man and two unformed officers burst into the room.

“It looks like you didn’t need our help after all.” The man said. “I’m Detective Poe Dameron.”

“This is the diamond and this is a gun he had on him.” Finn handed them to one of the officers.

“That’s Kylo Ren or...well I guess it’s Ben Solo really.” You pointed to the unconscious man. The other officer picked him up off of the floor, handcuffed him and took him outside to put in the nearby police car.

“Why is he wearing a rubber glove on his head?” Poe asked.

“He has a suitcase full of them upstairs.”

Nobody said anything after that.

“Well I’m going to need you to both make statements but I think after this night you should probably get some sleep.”

“Our front door is broken.” You told him.

“It’s easily fixable if you have some tools in the house. I could do it now. You did catch a criminal and retrieve the diamond it’s the least I could do.” He replied.

Poe Dameron did fix the door fast and soon you and Finn collapsed on the sofa not even bothering to go upstairs. Finn had called Rey to collect the pants and destroy them for good.

* * *

 

A week later after the intense night you were still faced with paying the rent. There was a knock on your door and when you opened it, you saw it was Detective Poe Dameron.

“Detective?”

“Please call me Poe i’m not on duty. I was just in the area and I forgot to give you this the other day.”

He handed you two pieces of paper.

“What are these for?” You asked.

“One is the reward for helping us catch Ben Solo and the other is my private phone number in case you uh...catch any future criminals.”

You blushed

“I have to go but remember.....if you see any criminals....” He said

“I’ll call you immediately.”

Poe winked at you and left.

“Who was that?” Finn asked, appearing behind you.

“The solution to all our problems.” You handed him the paper.

“This is a phone number.”

Whoops.

You handed him the other piece of paper and took the phone number back.

“£100,000? What for?”

“That was the reward for leading to the capture of Kylo Ren. Now we don’t have to worry about the rent or taking in anymore shady roommates.”

You both breathed a sigh of relief.


	6. Star Wars Goes Fourth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Resistance and the First Order have been fighting for the galaxy and in between those big fight moments they both get up to some weird stuff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Blackadder goes fourth. Slang was a lot different back in the early days. Lick or licking in slang can mean to criticize or fight. Can also mean other things but in this scenario it’s that. Why does anyone let me write.

“Now then troopers are you looking forward to giving the rebellion a damn good licking?”

“Uh no sir it’s the resistance which we’ll be licking sir.”

You and Poe stifled a laugh behind your hands. The resistance had hacked into the cameras on Starkiller base and Phasma was giving a speech to her troops. Finn had his hands covering his face but was watching through his fingers. He remembered these speeches all too well.

“Don’t be revolting DN-0425, I wouldn’t lick the resistance if they were glazed in honey.”

Captain Phasma turned to one of her troops.

“Now then trooper do you love the First Order?”

“Certainly do sir.”

“Do you love your leader?”

“Certainly don’t sir.”

“Why not?” Phasma said, stepping closer.

“My mum told me to never trust men with ginger hair sir.”

Phasma laughed, or at least what sounded like a laugh. It sounded more like a malfunctioning droid.

“Yes the healthy humour of a stormtrooper.”

Phasma turned to another trooper.

“Take this one to reconditioning.”

You and Poe watched as the stormtrooper was dragged off.

* * *

 

“Y/N?” You turned around to see General Organa calling your name.

“Yes General?”

“We need you to interrogate someone. I’ve long suspected there was a First Order spy on this base and I know you’re the best person who can get information out of them quickly.”

“Yes General.” You started walking towards where the Resistance held the prisoners

* * *

 

You opened the door to find Poe Dameron tied to a chair wearing his flight uniform and a chamber-pot on his head.

“….Poe?”

“Y/N come on this is insane you know I’d never sell out the Resistance.”

You decided to have a little fun with this.

“I’m sorry Poe but this is my job you have to understand.”

“At least take this chamber-pot off of my head.” He said.

“No.”

You sat down on the chair opposite him.

“Poe this is very serious business believe me i’ll be asking myself some very searching questions later. Can’t be too careful.”

You got out your notebook you always carried with you and started to ask your usual questions.

“Now tell me, what is the colour of General Organa’s favourite hat?”

“How should I know?”

“I see.” You wrote that down in your book. You thought Poe was one of Leia’s biggest fans.

“What is General Hux’s first name?” You asked.

“Armitage obviously.” Poe answered. You stood up and shoved the chair away.

“So you’re on first name terms with General Hux are you?”

“What did you expect me to say?!”

“Dameron, it’s ok this is just the usual questions. No need to panic. Do you want some water?”

“Yes please.”

You untied Poe and handed him a bottle of water. He started drinking it when you slapped the bottle out of his hand.

“Alright you stinking piece of Bantha-fodder what is it that finally got you away from the Resistance? Was it the thought of hanging around with big men in leather shorts?” You got right into Poe’s face now hoping to seem some what intimidating but you knew you weren’t. At least not to Poe anyway.

“You could get court marshaled for this Y/N.” He said.

“For obeying the General’s orders? Maybe that’s what they do on Starkiller but not here, you’re a filthy First Order spy.”

“I’m not I swear! I’m not a spy I’m telling you.”

“Good glad that’s settled then. Do you want to grab something to eat before we go back to our room?”

“What?” Poe said, getting out of the chair.

“I don’t know how you got here or how you got that chamber-pot on your head.” You gestured to it and Poe removed it. “but this was fun.”

“For you maybe. I bet this is Wexley’s doing again.”

You put your hand in Poe’s.

“I’m sure you’ll get him back.”


	7. Star Wars vs The 18th Amendment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agent Dameron has been called into Yavin to investigate the illegal smuggling of alcohol and the mysterious beer baron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gender neutral for reader but obviously everybody thinks the beer baron is a guy. This turned out longer than expected. I don’t know what to fucking tag this as

“We need to ban alcohol, it’s a corrupting influence on our lives and children.” One hysterical church goer cried.

“You can’t seriously want to ban alcohol. It tastes great, makes women appear more attractive, and makes a person virtually invulnerable to criticism.” Mayor Hux said.

“We need to set an example to other towns, that we aren’t just simple alcoholics and degenerates.” Somebody else said.

“Oh won’t somebody think of the children!” Somebody else yelled.

“Fine. Fine! From here on out alcohol is officially outlawed from Yavin.” Mayor Hux said.

* * *

“How long would it take for you to flood this town with alcohol again?” Hux said.

“Four minutes.” Kylo Ren, the resident gangster, replied.

* * *

“Glad to see you’re back in business Phasma.” You said to her.

“Yeah it was a scary couple of hours.” She said handing you a drink.

* * *

After catching police chief Han Solo drunk, facing pressure from citizens and the up coming election Mayor Hux was forced to bring in an outside agent. One who could easily combat the flow of alcohol in Yavin and a no nonsense law enforcement agent. They called in Agent Poe Dameron, whose family dog had just had puppies.

* * *

“At first, I thought prohibition was a good thing. People were drinking more and having a lot more fun. Without beer, prohibition doesn’t work!” You said to Phasma. You had gone back down to the bar to complain to her.

“Nobody wants non-alcoholic drinks, if we don’t get some alcohol in soon i’m going to go out of business.”

“Don’t worry, I have a brilliant plan to keep us drunk and you in business.”

* * *

“Come on Rey think of an idea.”

“I’m trying I really am.”

Rey was your daughter and you had asked her for some help. Finn was your husband but he didn’t need to know what you were doing. You didn’t want to corrupt him. You were watching the tv when it gave you an idea.

“Rey I’ve got it! Follow me. Finn we’re going out, if we don’t come back avenge our deaths!”

“Alright!” Finn’s voice drifted from the kitchen.

* * *

A week after Agent Dameron had been brought in to crack down on the flow of alcohol in Yavin it got worse, or better depending on who you asked.

“Shouldn’t we be searching for this beer baron?” An officer asked him.

“The beer baron? He’s just a figment of the media. The idea that someone like that could operate under my very nose is laughable.” Poe said to the other police officers, his face never smiling and never laughing.

* * *

It was 1am and you were down at Phasma’s bar. The lookout told you that Dameron was heading this way and everybody moved to hide all the alcohol and move domestic animals into the bar.

Just as everyone had managed to put everything in place Agent Dameron and few other police officers burst in.

“Alright everyone give up the alcohol.” One of the cops said.

“Alcohol? We are nothing but a simple pet shop.” Phasma told them.

“Pet shop, eh? Well, I have one thing to say about that. What kind of pet shop is filled with rambunctious yahoos and hot jazz music at 1:00 in the morning?” Poe said.

“Er, uh … the … best damn pet shop in town!” She replied.

Dameron said nothing, then he and the officers left the bar. Everybody breathed a sigh of relief and put everything back where it was originally.

* * *

Poe was standing on a cliff overlooking Yavin.

“You’re out there somewhere beer baron and i’ll find you.”

“No you won’t.” Your voice drifted over from far away.

“Yes I will.”

“Won’t.”

* * *

Agent Dameron was getting frustrated. He had gotten nowhere in tracking and bringing down the beer baron.

“Alright Ren tell me who is supplying the alcohol? Don’t bother bribing me I don’t like bribes.”

“How do you know you don’t like bribes if you’ve never taken one?” Kylo handed Poe a large amount of cash. 

“Hey…this is nice! No! No bribes!” Poe said, shoving the cash back at Kylo.

“Okay. You win. From now on, I’ll stick to smuggling heroin.

“See that you do!” Poe said before walking off.

* * *

“Are you the Beer Baron?”

Poe Dameron had now taken to stopping and questioning people in the street.

“Well, if you’re talking about root beer, then I’m guilt-diddily-ilty as char-diddily-arged.” Mitaka said.

“He’s not the Beer Baron, but he sounds drunk; take him in.” Poe told the officer.

* * *

“Hey Dameron how’s it hanging.” You walked past him in the street with Rey and tugging a cart full of barrels of alcohol.

“None of your business.” Poe said not looking away from the person he was questioning.

* * *

Eventually you ran into some troubles with your alcohol business. The stills were exploding and Dameron was now actually getting suspicious of you. You didn’t realise buying bath tubs in bulk was considered suspicious.

You were out walking one night when you stumbled upon Han Solo. He tried to rob you but considering his gun was plastic you weren’t really scared or bothered.

“I bet you really hate Dameron.” You said.

“Who?”

“The guy who put you out of a job.”

“Oh yeah. I really hate him.”

You thought about how your alcohol business was starting to collapse in and on itself so you came up with an idea.

“Hey Solo how would you like to beat Dameron at his own game?”

* * *

Poe Dameron had called in a press conference on the steps of the court house.

“Ladies and gentlemen I am happy to announce that the flow of illegal liquor has dried up, public drunkenness has dropped and that suspicious liquor cloud floating over Y/N’s house has disappeared. Poe Dameron has won the war on alcohol!”

“What about the beer baron?” Someone in the crown shouted.

“I doubt he was even real.” Poe told them

“We interrupt this announcement to take you live to former police chief Han Solo who has captured the beer baron.” The news reporter said.

* * *

As Han Solo was telling the reporters about your operation, Finn was talking to you.

“That was a very nice thing you did for Solo but what’s going to happen to you?”

“I wouldn’t worry about it Finn probably just a slap on the wrists.”

* * *

“So for they who violates the prohibition law shall be sentenced to catapult.”

“Last time I help you Solo.” You were tied up in a catapult.

“Sorry I thought it would be a fine or something.” Han muttered to you.

“Wait!” Poe cried out. “This machine is two centuries old we should test it first.”

They took you out, put a cat in and then pulled the lever. It was in perfect working order. Before they could put you back in Finn ran over and made them stop.

“All Y/N did was break a silly law. Sure there are a lot less car crashes now but this law cost us our freedom. Our freedom to drink.”

“It’s not up to use which laws we choose to obey. If we could i’d kill everyone who looked cock eyed at me.” Poe said, walking over to the front of the crowd. He didn’t realise that as he was talking he had stepped on to the catapult.

“Send him back to his mother.” Mayor Hux told one of the officers who pulled the lever, sending Poe flying out of the town.

“Let’s reset this and put Y/N in.” Hux said.

“Wait!” The town clerk ran on stage.

“Oh what now?” Hux groaned.

“This prohibition law is not legal. It had to be passed through a vote and since it never was, the law was never in effect.” The clerk said.

“So Y/N never broke any laws in the first place?” Finn asked.

“Yes.”

Solo went over to you and untied you. You ran over to Finn and hugged him.

“So uh how long will it take for you to flood this town with alcohol again?”

“Sorry Mayor i’m not in that business anymore.” You told him.

“Four minutes.” Kylo appeared behind Hux.


	8. 22 D'Qar Street

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn has been called into the control room and Leia isn’t happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a toss up between Ben and Poe but it seemed more funny with Poe. Regular swear words instead of Star Wars ones. I don’t think this would really fit into Leia's character but imagine if it did

Finn headed towards the control room feeling apprehensive. Leia didn’t sound happy on the coms and he didn’t want to keep her waiting.

When Finn arrived at the control room Leia was standing at the top end of the table and Poe sat down at the opposite end. Finn went and sat next to Poe and looked at him, who only shook his head.

“Now gentlemen, we aren’t going to sit here and pretend like there isn’t a huge elephant in the room.”

Finn opened his mouth to say something when he heard the sound of velcro. He looked to Poe and saw he was putting on bulletproof armour on.

“What are you putting that on for?” Finn asked.

Leia slammed her gun down on to the table, pointing it at Poe and Finn.

“What the fuck is going on?” Finn said. Poe was suddenly very interested in the wall next to him.

“This is what the fuck is going on.”

Leia grabbed you from where you were hiding and gently pushed you next to where she was standing.

Finn looked at you then looked at Poe. He just couldn’t figure out what was going on. Finn looked at you again and started watching your expression. The cogs were turning in Finn’s brain but he couldn’t make the connection between you, Leia and Poe. Unless….

“OH SHIT. OH SHIT.” Finn yelled.

He shoved Poe slightly in his chair laughing wildly.

Leia continued to stare down at Poe with an angry look on her face.

“Oh shit! No! That is not happening right now!” Finn started walking around the control room.

“Hey! Poe’s fucking the General’s daughter!” Finn yelled to the rest of the room and started high-fiving everyone.

“Everytime he says that shit, that’s another foot in your ass.” Leia said to Poe, who was shrinking further into his chair.

Finn had run back to the table behind you and Leia.

“Poe this is the best thing ever!” Finn started laughing loudly again.

“Poe fucked the General’s daughter!”

Finn ran around to the side of the table and started dancing.

“Poe fucked the General’s daughter! Poe fucked the General’s daughter!” Finn started singing.

When he’d finished he went back and sat down next to Poe who was almost sliding to the floor. Finn still couldn’t help but laugh.

“You fucked General Organa’s daughter? You- you bragged about it! To her face! Do you understand that this face here.” Finn gestured to Leia who was still wearing that angry expression. “You bragged straight to that face! That face right there.”

Finn stood up again.

“General you actually high-fived Poe for fucking your daughter.”

Finn sat back down again because he thought he was going to collapse from laughing.

“Holy shit! Oh my god this is-”

Leia picked up her gun and slammed it down on the table again, this time pointing it at Finn. Finn immediately stopped talking.

“It’s really not that funny.” Finn said.

“I just want to say that it was bizarre Y/N never told me that she was your daughter. You don’t have the same last name.” Poe spoke up in a quiet voice and keeping both eyes on that gun.

“I think it’s bizarre I haven’t cut your motherfucking nuts off.” Leia said.

“What if the General gets to punch you in the face one time really, really, really, really hard?” Finn asked Poe.

“No I got something way better than that.” Leia replied.

* * *

You, Finn and almost all of the Resistance base stood to the side as you watched Leia bring out a taser and aim it at Poe’s crotch.

Before she could do anything you ran in front of Poe.

“No I won’t accept this. Mum, I’m an adult who is perfectly capable of making her own decisions and who I do or do not sleep with is my choice.”

Leia slowly lowered the taser and sighed.

“I’m sorry. It’s just that ever since….you know…. I don’t want you getting hurt. Especially not by the cockiest pilot in the Resistance.” She said.

Poe almost protested that but still had his eye on that taser in Leia’s hand. You turned around to Poe, took his hand and guided him to your room. The poor boy was going to need lots of hugs. Poe was probably in shock after General Organa, former Princess of Alderaan, former leader of the Rebellion and current leader of the Resistance, had almost tasered his crotch.


	9. Little Big Pilot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe is damn too distracting and it’s interfering with your life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is short ok it's just I wanted to write something and I had no solid ideas

It was your first time on a mission and you were nervous. Jessika and Poe had been the ones to teach you everything you knew. You were confident in your skills but this was bigger than you had trained for.

* * *

 

You were waiting by your x-wing when a pilot walked by in a very very tight flight suit. They were already wearing their helmet and you couldn’t tell who it was. It wasn’t Poe Dameron because he had his own helmet.

The pilot turned around to stand by you and they took their helmet off. It was Poe.

“Commander....?”

“I know this looks odd but I can explain. BB-8 broke my helmet and now I have to use this one.” Poe explained.

“What about the suit?”

“What about it?”

“It’s a little.....revealing don’t you think?” You were trying not to look at him. You don’t know whether it’s out of second hand embarrassment or that you were afraid you were going to start laughing uncontrollably.

“It allows for maximum mobility. Feels like I’m wearing nothing at all.” Poe said as he twisted his body. He really wanted to see if his ass looked good in the suit.

“I uh....well I have to go Commander. First mission you know.” You started to climb into the cockpit and fell in headfirst.

“Good luck Y/N. You’ll do great.” Poe started walking towards his ship. He clearly wasn’t bothered with how he looked. Slightly ridiculous yet he still looked gorgeous. You shook your head and went over your pre-flight checks.

* * *

 

The intel for the mission was all wrong. The First Order knew you were coming and had been lying in wait for an ambush. There was nothing you could do and a retreat had been ordered. The only problem was getting past the enemy ships and back to the Resistance.

“Ok don’t panic. Remember what Jessika said.”

“If you ever get into trouble all you need to do is...” Jessika’s voice floated through your head.

“Feels like I’m wearing nothing at all.” Her voice changed to Poe’s and the image of him in his tight flight suit invaded your brain.

“Nothing at all.”

“Nothing at all!”

“Ugh. Stupid sexy Dameron.” You said, snapping out of the images of his ass in that suit.

Despite all of that you managed to remember what Jessika had said and flew back to the base.

* * *

 

After you landed you stayed in your x-wing to catch your breath. You didn’t realise that flying could take this much out of you.

You watched as Poe and the rest of his squad went past your ship. He saw you still sat there and a look of concern appeared on his face. He mouthed to ask if you were ok and you just gave him a thumbs up so he knew you were fine.

You waited until he had completely gone before climbing out of your ship and heading towards your room. You were going to ask the General if she could transfer you to a different part of the base just so you’d never have to go through that again.

The Resistance prepared you for various different scenarios but never for this


	10. Dorky Chicks Like Poe Turn Me On Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A magical artifact recovered on a mission causes some mayhem back at the Resistance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Female pronouns so it fits the fic and what it’s off. It’s sort of intended to be a Poe and reader will they won’t they type relationship but it seems more reader will they won’t they murder Poe. Hope this isn’t too confusing.

You had just come back from a month long mission from a very hot and humid planet and you were extremely glad to be back. The climate hadn’t affect your teammates as much and for that you hated them.

Rey grew up on a planet with constant sun and heat so you understood why she wasn’t drenched in sweat and missing the nice cool air from the base. Phasma probably put Finn and the rest of her troopers through intense training in any situation. Poe grew up on a jungle covered planet so he loved these types of missions.

The others went to debrief Leia while you went to get a shower and drink all the water that was on the base.

* * *

The mission had been described as an easy one. A simple reconnaissance mission to scout out possible First Order outposts. None of you were prepared to think that the Resistance’s best pilot can’t even land. You had ended up with a broken ship and crashed in the middle of the jungle.

When you and Rey ventured from the ship to see if there was any people around for help you had stumbled across some ruins. Now you had seen enough holofilms to know not to go into places like that. They were either sacred, haunted or both. You weren’t about to step into a place like that but Rey’s natural instinct to scavenge for rare materials had her going inside before you could stop her.

There wasn’t much inside it was only a small room with no hidden passages or traps. You knew because Rey ran around and checked for everything while you debated on running outside and possibly leaving Rey sealed inside.

Abandoned on the floor was a small box. You knelt down to look at it and saw it was just a bronze box with normal scratches on. Ones you’d expect to find on an item that had been tossed around or dropped too many times. Before you could stand up a hand appeared in front of your face and you were about to scream and swing at the hand until you realized it was Rey reaching down to snatch the box.

You wanted out now and so you dragged her back to the ship. You hoped it was just a box or you’d kill Rey for everything, best friend or not.

* * *

After a nice long refreshing shower and a change of clothes you started to head to the briefing room. You heard a voice and the next moment everything went black.

* * *

Poe felt sick. He was feeling perfectly fine a minute ago and now he was lying on the floor with people looking over him. Including himself.

Wait what?

Poe helped himself up off the floor and he looked around to see he was still in the briefing room. Was this some sort of outer body experience? He looked down to see your body. Poe Dameron was inside your body. Not the way he wanted to be inside you but it’s a start, he thought.

“I know what filthy thoughts are floating around in your mind, stop it.” You said. It was strange hearing your voice coming from him.

“Y/N you weren’t in the briefing room so how did I get here?” He asked.

“Once we figured out what had happened we grabbed you and brought you here.” You answered.

Poe looked down at his, no your, hands to see them shaking.

“I’m not me, why am I not me?” He said looking at everyone else.

“It would seem that the box Rey brought back had some magical proprieties.” You said.

“Stop frowning Y/N, you’re going to give me wrinkles and spoil my good looks.” Poe replied.

There was silence for a moment and Poe started smirking.

“Heyyy I can look at myself naked.” He said before taking a peek down his, no your, shirt.”

“Get your hands off me!” You yelled at him while Poe was feeling your body.

“No this isn’t the box, this is your doing Dameron. You planned this somehow.” You continued.

Poe started walking around you, his own body, and was checking himself out. 

“Heyyy good looking.” Poe said and then he slapped his own ass.

“Poe! You ego-centric-”

Before you could finish that sentence and then start to strangle him Leia walked in the room.

“What is happening in here?”

“Poe keeps touching me.” You whined to the General.

Leia couldn’t keep a smile off of her face. She had seen those boxes before. They were filled with the force and contained a mixture of both the light and the dark side. Not enough to make you evil or make you good but just enough to mess with you. Many years ago somebody had thought it would be funny to make people swap bodies with each other for a few hours or until the box switched them back. Nobody had bothered to fix it because it was harmless fun.

They never usually worked on force users but they could mess with young padawans a lot which is why it worked on Rey.

“I’ll lock this door and leave you to it.” She said before leaving and shutting the door behind her.

Suddenly you felt funny and everything went black for a second.

“Hey! I’m me again.” You said with a smile. It felt good to be you.

“Yippee for you.” Rey said, her voice coming from Poe’s body and her tone flat.

“Why am I wearing a dress?” Finn said, looking down at Rey’s body.

“It’s not a dress, it is a robe.” She told him.

“Okay everyone remain calm. Rey, how do we fix this.” Poe said, his voice coming from Finn’s body.

“I can feel the force coming from it and if Luke has taught me anything it is to feel the force and let it guide me. So if my calculations are correct, we’re simply going to continue randomly changing bodies until-” Rey started explaining before everything went dark again.

“….until the box realizes who belongs to the appropriate bodies.” She continued from your body.

“I’m Poe again!” You said, stomping you foot on the ground.

Everything went dark again and your last thought was that you hoped you would be you again.

* * *

“We never speak of this.” Rey said, then taking a big drink.

The four of you had immediately decided to get drunk as you didn’t know other ways to erase the events of the past hour.

Leia had promised she hadn’t told anyone or would tell ever. The sincerity in her voice and eyes assured you all she wouldn’t and for that you were all grateful.

“I for one enjoyed being inside Y/N’s body.” Poe said and you choked on your drink.

Finn mumbled from where his head rested on the bar. He had drank a lot faster and got drunker sooner.

“I’ll take Finn back to his room. Goodnight Y/N, Poe.” Rey picked up Finn in her arms and you watched in amazement at the ease in which she carried him.

“Come on Y/N I bet you liked being inside me.” He said and you choked on your drink again.

“Let me be serious for a moment.”

“You? Serious? This must of been life changing for you.” You said and you were about to take another drink but didn’t dare while Poe was talking.

“Yes. I know all the bad jokes and you say I’m annoying but I really don’t know how to say the words I like you.” Poe said and then took a swig from his own drink.

“You just did if that helps.”

“Do you want to do something about it? Maybe go on a date with me and be with me forever?” He said with hope in his voice.

“Let’s stick with one date first.”

Poe hummed in agreement.

“Anyway if you wanted to look at me naked you only had to ask.”

Poe choked on his drink.


	11. I can't remember the name of the episode I got it from so I can't name the chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Commander Poe Dameron has been sat in his office all day which is very unusual for him. You tell your boyfriend Finn your theory, he just sighs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This would definitely happen to Poe Dameron. Finn is only just beginning to learn about the shenanigans happened on the resistance base. This makes no sense to me but I needed to publish something on my blog. I’m sorry for it all. Gender neutral.

You were crouching behind some crates and you watched from afar as one of the pilots came out of Poe’s office attempting to hide a small bag from any prying eyes.

“Y/N what are you doing?”

You almost jumped out of your own skin at the sound of Finn’s voice.

“O-oh Finn, I didn’t see you there.” You said nervously.

“Why are you spying on Poe? You’ve been up to something all day.”

“You love me right?”

Finn didn’t reply to that. Yeah you were definitely up to something suspicious. Everytime you asked him if he loved you it usually ended up with you or him or both of you in deep trouble with Leia. Of course he loved you, how could he not? He felt so lucky to have met you and for you to fall for him? Finn still couldn’t believe it.

“I’m taking that as a yes. Listen Poe has been in his office all day and you know that is unusual for him. He’s always out here with his pilots or Leia and yet he’s been in there all day. Know why?” You said.

“I have a feeling you’re about to tell me.” Finn sighed and sat down beside you.

“It’s because he’s not wearing any pants.”

“….not…..wearing any….pants?”

“Poe has this weird fixation with soup. He just loves the stuff and he almost always has it for lunch.”

Finn nodded at that. It was a bit weird.

“Well he went into his office carrying his usual bowl of soup but then 5 minutes later I heard someone, who sounded a lot like Poe, yell out loud. Then one of the pilots went into office empty handed and just before you turned up they came out discreetly holding a plastic bag. Conclusion? He isn’t wearing any pants.”

“Yeah but something like no pants isn’t going to stop Poe from wandering around the base anyway.” Finn told you.

“Normally I’d agree but since the destruction of Starkiller base a lot of very important people whose names and positions I forget have been arriving here by the day so the Commander has been ordered to wear pants at all times.”

Finn remembered being there when Leia had ordered him that. It wasn’t the strangest order he’d heard in his life but it was definitely up there with his orders with sanitation duty at the First Order.

“Why do you even care about this?”

“This is revenge for the last prank. Poe managed to get away without any trouble and I got taken off duty for a whole week and put on cleaning duty.”

Finn hadn’t seen you the entire week that had happened. He had tried to plead with Leia’s romantic side to let him see you at least once but she wasn’t having any of it. He’d even tried to help you out but had gotten caught.

“If I can help you out I will.”

“Aww thanks Finn, you’re the best.” You said and gave Finn a quick kiss who couldn’t contain his smile.

* * *

“Commander, I need you to sign off on these reports.” You said.

You and Finn had come up with a plan. You would each try to lure Poe away from his desk to prove that you were right and hopefully get him in trouble. Though you didn’t know how much trouble the best pilot in the Resistance could get.

“Alright just bring them over here and I’ll sign them.”

You were standing by the door as far away as from the desk as you could be.

“The General said she needed the reports done fast so why don’t you come over here?”

“That would be pointless, my pen is over here so just come here.” Poe said in a bored tone.

You huffed and put the files down on the table and waited while he signed them. This would require more work than you thought.

* * *

Finn poked his head around the door to Poe’s office.

“Hey Poe there is a fire that you need to help us put out.”

“If there was a fire the alarm would of gone off.”

“It broke?”

“Finn is everything ok?” Poe put his pen down and looked at Finn in concern.

“Yeah….yeah everything is fine.” Finn moved away from the office and he saw you heading in his direction with a bowl of soup.

“This is it Finn this will get him.”

“If it doesn’t?” He asked.

“Then I will quit trying to make Poe get out from behind his desk and we can do whatever you like.”

He smiled and shook his head. One of the reasons why he loved you was because when you got your head into something you wouldn’t quit until you got what you achieved.

As Finn walked away from Poe’s office he thought he head a clatter on the floor but he ignored it and walked away.

* * *

“Poe you’ve been in this office all day and you haven’t eaten so I brought you some soup, your favourite.” You said, perching yourself on the chair away from Poe’s desk holding the bowl in your hands.

“I already ate lunch Y/N.” Poe said but you could see a twinkle in his eye like he was figuring out what you were up to.

“I made you this bowl of soup you don’t want to let it go to waste?”

Poe sighed and knew you were up to something now. He never wanted food to go to waste.

“Then bring it over here then.”

“No.” You said.

“Why not?”

“I’m sat here already with a hot bowl in my hands.”

Poe went silence and tried to stare you down but you wouldn’t budge.

“Alright L/N I’m sick of you wasting my time so yes, I spilled soup on my pants and I am sitting in my underwear.”

“Ha! I knew it.” You yelled and you accidentally let go of the bowl in your excitement and it fell on the floor.

“Oh….” You said.

* * *

Finn had been called into Leia’s office and she had asked him to deliver some more reports to Poe. Leia said she would of asked you but she didn’t know where you were and you weren’t answering your com.

Finn knocked on the office door and entered the room to find you and Poe sat behind his desk.

“Look at us just three people with pants on.” You said, with a smile plastered on your face that never quite reached your eyes.

Finn silently handed Poe the files and backed away from the office. He should be used to this by now but somehow he didn’t think he ever would be.


End file.
